if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
