i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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