What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
