ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
