The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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