i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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