If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
