we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
