Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
