Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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