the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
