We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
