Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
