how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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