plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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