I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i've created a new STD.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
