i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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