Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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