She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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