I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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