Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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