so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
