Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
