Me. At least after what I've been through.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
