Sry I called you an 8
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
A+ Viking dick
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
