she woke up with a sticky ear
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
