Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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