Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
