My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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