so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
