I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
