Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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