Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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