What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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