I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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