he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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