Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
