For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
