can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sext me about skeletons
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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