Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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