At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
