New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
