i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
