Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he thought i was a dude.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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