I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
