But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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