Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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