I've blown a few things in my day
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
