There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
