Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
