Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
