i think my tv is drunk
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
