you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
