I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
