Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
