I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
