Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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