I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize