New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
