I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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