I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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