Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
