I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
