just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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