I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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