You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
