Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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