The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
