all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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